Post by romku on May 3, 2010 22:08:43 GMT -6
Good evening everyone, Romku here, and I had a lot of time to think since I bombarded the Nagi thread with anger about Dakota's letter, calling me out as the reason she isn't coming back. I had a lot of time to think since I exploded and I wanted to explain why I exploded and secondly, to give my statement about how I feel about the whole thing. I will be doing this is the most mature way possible without stating names in my final statement.
First of all, I am sorry that my blast in that thread caused so much buried tension to rise again. The situation that beared this tension all hit us pretty hard the first time, I lost you all for a long time and things changed within NON since I was gone. I am sorry that I let the past get to me again and caused me to lose myself once again. I honestly thought that everything was behind us, even the one in question. When I saw the statement the one made, I lost myself in anger and stress and not because of this situation alone.
As many of you know, my car stopped running not too long ago, it won't even start anymore. This caused a lot of stress due to worrying about getting to work, donating plasma, and especially getting around to see my friends in and out of NON. Beyond that, I had another situation with a friend of mine concerning getting pulled into a breakup that I didn't want to be a part of. On top of that, they pulled my ex into it and most likely completely blew any and all chances I had with getting back with her. You could say that everything bad that could happen did happen.
I doubted everything about myself, why all this bad luck was happening to me, was it karma? circumstance? chance? I considered leaving everything behind so I could start again with a clear slate, including leaving NON so the drama involving this old situation wouldn't flare up into anything bigger.
I had plenty of time to think to myself along with turning to a few of my closest friends about what to do, telling them how I felt and what I was going to do. Luckily for me, I have an AMAZING group of friends that helped me get my ass off of the ground and dust myself off, giving me newfound vigor and strength not only for me, but to do what I do best, put everyone above myself and be a protector if you will, an understudy of this play of life. I will continue to be here to pick anyone up that has fallen and needs a hand, to steer things when the other drivers are confused about where to go, to be the shield for the bullet heading to my comrades.
In saying this, my final statement is as long as I could get a ride to NON, I don't plan on going anywhere. A very good friend told me I can't protect everyone's emotions. No matter what course we take, we are always going to hurt someone accidentally and all we can do is try to mend those wounds as we go through this war on life. Seeing that it gets down to hurting one person or many, I have to chose the least amount of victims to be hurt during my decisions.
I am sorry that some people are having troubles burying the past and starting anew, I have tried nothing but putting it behind me and I apologize for the wounds I have caused in that past, and I am sorry that those wounds still hurt. However, if I try to mend up those wounds and disappear, I end up hurting more people in the process by me leaving. I say this in the nicest way possible: If you are hurt by my presence around my closest friends, then I have to say I'm sorry but I'm not going to leave. These people mean the world to me and bring out the best points in me and I would hurt them if I go. If the past can be moved behind us, then we will be able to live more happiness than what we have now, but if that past cannot be forgiven, then I can't be of help. I am here to stay in NON this time and even though I am not leaving, I will do everything in my power than to stay away from or ignore the ones that I have hurt to be able to make the many happy. I don't want to make any wounds deeper nor create new ones with my actions, so I will do everything in my power to minimize those wounds and get over the pains of the past.
As my main drive in life, I have always seen myself as a buddha, a protector, to do everything in my power to bring as many smiles as I can before I die. I wanted to do this in anyway possible, and whenever I hurt someone, I fall deep into a hole, being ashamed of myself and disappointed that I caused someone that pain. It took a good talk to understand that no matter what I did, I would hurt somebody, however, if I brushed off those wounds and did everything I could to help the many, things would look up. It's like being a doctor, true that sometimes, no matter what you try, a patient would die on your table, however, if you let that one death get to you and make you quit, then you wouldn't be saving the lives of others that are needing of you.
I have to be that doctor and be there for my friends. If a relationship dies, I can't let it bring out the worst in me, I have lost people dear to me because of that and I don't want that to happen again...I have gotten over the death and now it's time to be saving lives and spending time with my friends again.
First of all, I am sorry that my blast in that thread caused so much buried tension to rise again. The situation that beared this tension all hit us pretty hard the first time, I lost you all for a long time and things changed within NON since I was gone. I am sorry that I let the past get to me again and caused me to lose myself once again. I honestly thought that everything was behind us, even the one in question. When I saw the statement the one made, I lost myself in anger and stress and not because of this situation alone.
As many of you know, my car stopped running not too long ago, it won't even start anymore. This caused a lot of stress due to worrying about getting to work, donating plasma, and especially getting around to see my friends in and out of NON. Beyond that, I had another situation with a friend of mine concerning getting pulled into a breakup that I didn't want to be a part of. On top of that, they pulled my ex into it and most likely completely blew any and all chances I had with getting back with her. You could say that everything bad that could happen did happen.
I doubted everything about myself, why all this bad luck was happening to me, was it karma? circumstance? chance? I considered leaving everything behind so I could start again with a clear slate, including leaving NON so the drama involving this old situation wouldn't flare up into anything bigger.
I had plenty of time to think to myself along with turning to a few of my closest friends about what to do, telling them how I felt and what I was going to do. Luckily for me, I have an AMAZING group of friends that helped me get my ass off of the ground and dust myself off, giving me newfound vigor and strength not only for me, but to do what I do best, put everyone above myself and be a protector if you will, an understudy of this play of life. I will continue to be here to pick anyone up that has fallen and needs a hand, to steer things when the other drivers are confused about where to go, to be the shield for the bullet heading to my comrades.
In saying this, my final statement is as long as I could get a ride to NON, I don't plan on going anywhere. A very good friend told me I can't protect everyone's emotions. No matter what course we take, we are always going to hurt someone accidentally and all we can do is try to mend those wounds as we go through this war on life. Seeing that it gets down to hurting one person or many, I have to chose the least amount of victims to be hurt during my decisions.
I am sorry that some people are having troubles burying the past and starting anew, I have tried nothing but putting it behind me and I apologize for the wounds I have caused in that past, and I am sorry that those wounds still hurt. However, if I try to mend up those wounds and disappear, I end up hurting more people in the process by me leaving. I say this in the nicest way possible: If you are hurt by my presence around my closest friends, then I have to say I'm sorry but I'm not going to leave. These people mean the world to me and bring out the best points in me and I would hurt them if I go. If the past can be moved behind us, then we will be able to live more happiness than what we have now, but if that past cannot be forgiven, then I can't be of help. I am here to stay in NON this time and even though I am not leaving, I will do everything in my power than to stay away from or ignore the ones that I have hurt to be able to make the many happy. I don't want to make any wounds deeper nor create new ones with my actions, so I will do everything in my power to minimize those wounds and get over the pains of the past.
As my main drive in life, I have always seen myself as a buddha, a protector, to do everything in my power to bring as many smiles as I can before I die. I wanted to do this in anyway possible, and whenever I hurt someone, I fall deep into a hole, being ashamed of myself and disappointed that I caused someone that pain. It took a good talk to understand that no matter what I did, I would hurt somebody, however, if I brushed off those wounds and did everything I could to help the many, things would look up. It's like being a doctor, true that sometimes, no matter what you try, a patient would die on your table, however, if you let that one death get to you and make you quit, then you wouldn't be saving the lives of others that are needing of you.
I have to be that doctor and be there for my friends. If a relationship dies, I can't let it bring out the worst in me, I have lost people dear to me because of that and I don't want that to happen again...I have gotten over the death and now it's time to be saving lives and spending time with my friends again.